rosemary on the tv

So. The  royal wedding. I guess you heard about it?

I did not get up at 3:00am to catch it live, but I did get a chance to watch it last night. And I’ll tell ya, those Brits and their crazy hats did not disappoint. Actually, I feel like a lot of the ladies were trying to out-crazy each other. And I loved it!

Let’s get right to the most important question. Kate’s dress. I give it a 9.5 out of 10.

Obviously, she chose the Grace Kelly route rather than the over-the-top Diana route, and I commend her on that. There’s no doubt that this dress will withstand the test of time. I give it 9.5 instead of 10 though because I do feel like she could’ve pushed the envelope just a TEENSY TINY bit and been just slightly more modern with the dress without veering into “that dress was soooo 2011” territory. Know what I’m saying?

For the reception, Kate changed into another Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen number – a much more modern strapless gown with a fuzzy shrug. I got my modern in the end, I guess. I think she did an excellent job on both dresses. This dress is so beautiful, but wouldn’t have been appropriate for the ceremony, and I love that she jazzed it up with the shrug.

Also – I’m pretending that Camilla was in her robe here, waiting to put on her reception dress. That moomoo can’t actually be what she wore to the party, right?

Then there was Pippa. I’m hearing a lot of Pippa hype in the aftermath of the wedding. Yeah, she’s cute. But I was a bit underwhelmed by her look. That short-sleeved, cowl-neck, pointy-toe shoe thing seems a bit dated. BUT LOOK AT THOSE CUTE FLOWER GIRLS! Sheesh.

Aaaaaand now to the hats. For being the mother of a princess bride, Carole Middleton looked surprisingly understated, keeping things simple in a sky blue jacket and matching hat. I guess it wasn’t really her place to make a statement. This is definitely one wedding where the mother of the bride is usurped by the (grand)mother of the groom.

And speaking of old QEII, NY Mag hit the nail on the head when they said that her choice of happy yellow seemed very non-passive aggressive, considering her grandson was marrying a commoner.

The other woman in the photo…oh, haha, I mean Camilla. The way her hat bows upward combined with the face she’s making makes it look like the wind is blowing REALLY hard right in her face.

The fathers looking awfully goofy. Prince Charles looks like a political cartoon caricature of George Bush, and I really love that Michael Middleton chose to wear a top hat. He kinda resembles Mr. Bean.

Charles’ oldest sister, Princess Ann, arrived wearing EXACTLY what every old British lady should wear to a wedding.  Spot on. It’s ridiculous yet perfect.

By the way, I read that the official photo wire produced approximately ten times more photos of the Beckhams than Princess Ann. Which tells you who Brits consider true royalty.

Fergie’s daughters, Beatrice and Eugenie, are the real life equivalents of Anastasia and Drizella. Amen? Amen.

Let’s get a closer look at this:

Bahahhahahahahahahah!!!!!!

Here’s the thing about Tara Palmer-Tomkinson’s outfit. She might’ve looked classy, despite the canoe duct-taped to her forehead. But the fact that she chose to wear the exact same shade of royal blue from head to toe, just made her look like a Disney villain (a recurring theme at this wedding, no?).

Thank god Zara Phillips survived such a terrible accident and was able to make it to the royal wedding. Oh, you didn’t hear about her unlucky fate? Amazingly, a Star Trek space ship flew straight out of the 70s and into her head. After hours of surgery, they weren’t able to remove it. But at least she survived.

All I have to say about this is : How in the heck did Joss Stone get invited to this wedding?! If she got an invite, where was mine? We’re equally famous, right?

If Kate Middleton, long time girlfriend of Prince William, is the picture of class and elegance, what does that make Chelsy Davy, Prince Harry’s long time on-again-off-again girlfriend? The Tara Reid of England?

And Britain’s real royal couple : The Beckhams. Becks looks like the doorman from the Four Seasons and Posh looks like she’s ready to skewer someone with that dangerous looking contraption fitted to her head. But props on a beautiful dress, and walking in those heels when she’s pregnant.

Also, please look at that guy behind them. Feel free to laugh quietly to yourself.

Believe it or not, I can’t make fun of everyone in attendance. I loved Marina Fogle’s hat/dress/trench combo. I wish Americans embraced hats the way the British do. What I wouldn’t give to be able to wear a hat like that to weddings, funerals, Walgreens, etc.

I’m in love with this little lace suit that Princess Maxima of the Netherlands wore. I love the belt, the fit, the scalloped edges and even her understated hat. Super classy win for the Netherlands!

Princess Victoria of Sweden is always the picture of elegance and class. She is the epitome of princess in my mind.

And this was my favorite photo from the wedding. Princess Diana’s nieces – twins Amelia and Eliza with their older sister Kitty Spencer. I love the over the top hats in neutral colors.
Ok, so tell me what you thought! Who’d you love? Who’d you hate? Who was the craziest?

Also, this post is dedicated to my friend, BJ, who once told me that he was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to end it all, when his iPhone buzzed to alert him that I’d posted a new fashion recap. Suddenly,  BJ stepped back off the cliff and read and laughed. All was right in the world.