Fashion Recap : Oscars 2012 or “How Billy Got His Groove Back”

How terrible were the Oscars last night? Billy Crystal: epic fail. Red carpet coverage: epic fail. Recipients of major awards: epic fail (I’m sorry. But the reason we don’t make silent movies anymore is BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE TO. Technology was the biggest loser last night.)

Famous people in attendance: epic fail. Did anyone else notice whilst scouring the web for red carpet pics that there was a mysterious lack of famous people at last night’s show? WHERE WERE THEY? Hiding out inside Billy Crystal’s jowls, I bet.

Best dressed, hands down for me was Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli. I love everything about the dress, and her hair and makeup were flawless as well. Emma Stone has personality and she DRESSES with personality. And I like that. She also was the only presenter to make me really laugh throughout the entire show.

Glenn Close in Zac Posen. How hot does she look? It’s age appropriate but also a little edgy, a little classy, extremely flattering. The jacket over the dress was the perfect touch.

I loved Mila Jovovich’s dress, but it was really the hair and makeup that sealed the deal for me. Flawless.

This is how Angelina should look. Red lips, flowy hair – not too harsh. She looked great, despite looking a bit thin for a PREGNANT PERSON. Did you see her arms when she was presenting? Those are Lifetime movie arms, my friends.

And WHY did she keep sticking her leg out like that? It even prompted the dean from Community to make fun of her when he accepted his award. Someone crown that man Grand Supreme:

Someone on Twitter declared that Tina Fey should host next year’s Oscars. I retweeted them, so obvy, I agree. Anne Hathaway tried too hard, James Franco was high the whole time, and Billy Crystal only appeals to the Celebrex set. But Tina? She’d kill it. She looked SUPER classy and beautiful. And yes, I’m choosing to ignore the peplum.

For once, Michelle Williams wasn’t on my worst dressed list! I loved the color of this dress. I loved the top of this dress, the bottom of this dress and the back of this dress. But what is with the tutu? Julianne Moore did it at the Golden Globes, Michelle and Tina Fey did it at the Oscars. Lord help us all if this is the New Big Thing. Because the only thing “big” about it is how it makes your mid-section look.

Ok. Now THIS was exciting. Thank you, GP, for spicing things up a bit. It might not be to everyone’s tastes, but at least this Tom Ford dress and cape were DIFFERENT. And you didn’t even have to bare your midriff! I love it, but I watched Contagion last night, so please don’t touch me. Thanks girl.

You know, I honestly couldn’t tell you a single thing Viola Davis was in before “The Help.” But she has knocked this award’s season out of the park with a series of amazing dresses. She gets the Award Season MVP award, though this one had me a little nip-slip anxious.

Rose Byrne. Meow. Loved the Vivienne Westwood gown and bob haircut. Girl could smile a little bit though. She’s at the Oscars. For Bridesmaids. You know, that movie where Melissa McCarthy went #2 in a sink? Don’t take yourself too seriously, girlfriend.

I have no idea why Kate Mara was at the Oscars. I had to Google “girl from American Horror Story” just to figure out her name. {UPDATE: Turns out she’s Rooney Mara’s big sister, duh.} But that dress was gorgeous. She had beautiful hair and makeup too, if you can see past her undead pose. Hey girl, pretty sure your run as a baby-stealing-bitch-homewrecking ghost was up at the end of season one.

The fact that I liked Rooney Mara’s look last night kinda surprised me. I mean, the bangs are weird, yeah. But she’s playing up the goth-girl-who-sits-at-the-back-of-the-bus, Hollywood edition, and for that, she actually looks pretty. And I thought the gauzy white dress was a nice balance to her severe hair and makeup.

High five, Melissa McCarthy. This is such an improvement from your past red carpet looks. Even though Octavia Spencer beat her as Best Supporting Actress, I love love love that she was nominated for Bridesmaids. And that she hid a mini-bottle of vodka in her cleavage and took a shot onstage.

When I first saw Maya Rudolph on the red carpet I totally had a “wop wop wopppp” moment. The front of that dress was pretty boring and IMHO a little unflattering. The back, however, TOTALLY made up for the front.

THIS is how you dress a curvy figure. Octavia Spencer was gorgeous in this dress. I would have preferred a more exciting color than this…..non-color, but the cut and beading were flawless.

Everyone was going nuts for Penelope Cruz’s look. It was pretty yes. But I feel like if you’re going to throwback, you’ve got to include SOMETHING modern and edgy. The Grace Kelly hair, dress and jewelry were great, but this dress in an exciting color would’ve really pushed it over the top.

And with Natalie Portman, we move into the “Ok But Kinda Boring” segment of this recap. The vintage hair, vintage dress, kinda 80s looking necklace. Like Penelope, it needed something exciting.

Ok but Kinda Boring. I can’t get past how terrible Natalie’s hair and dress look in the background.

Everyone was raving about Jessica Chastain’s Alexander McQueen dress, but I wasn’t impressed. It looks like a tapestry that should be hanging on the wall in a Chinese restaurant. Gorgeous hair and a flattering cut, however, make this an overall improvement from her total Golden Globes fail.

I kinda feel sorry for Judy Greer. She’s in everything, but she always has to play the ugly girl. Or the mean girl. Or the mean, ugly best friend to the nice, pretty girl. So I gotta give her props for looking better than I’ve ever seen her last night.

 Anna Faris looked ok, but with Rose Byrne showing up looking way better in a similar dress and hairstyle, Anna’s look suddenly seemed costume-y and unflattering in comparison.

I’m going on strike and all my posters will say, “GOLD LAME. NOT OK.” But hey, even though he didn’t win, George still got to take home a big, shiny, gold thing.

Shailene W???????. Girlfriend. You are young and reasonably attractive. What is this? Lady Mary was showing more skin than this in 1919.

I feel bad ripping on a 14 (?) year old, but Sarah Hyland has a decent track record when it comes to red carpet attire. Therefore, she should know better than this puddle of messy silk. The only thing “youthful” about it is that it kinda looks like she wore it to prom. Then got drunk at the after-party in it. Then rolled off a stranger’s couch the next morning and came straight to the Oscars in it.

Nope. For someone who has dated both Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling, Sandra should know something about youthfulness. And attractiveness. This dress is neither. And no, that’s not bitter jealousy you hear in my voice. It’s COLD HARD TRUTH.

😦

An evil, sick part of me likes that J.Lo is always failing on the runway. She has more power than any mortal from the block should, and giving us the ability to rip on her red carpet style is karma’s way of keeping her in check.

Worst dressed goes to Best Actress Meryl Streep. She has a reputation for looking terrible on the red carpet and last night was no different. Golden Girls Gone Grecian. Devereaux meets Dionysus. Everyone – repeat after me: GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK! GOLD LAME! NOT OK!

Ok. Your turn. Who’d you like? Who’d you hate? Who did you want to win?

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7 Responses to “Fashion Recap : Oscars 2012 or “How Billy Got His Groove Back””


  1. 1 Kelly H. February 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Sarah Hyland is…..21 or 22….born in 1990 (ack!)

  2. 3 Nicole Hunnicutt February 27, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Favorites: Milla Jovavich (best dressed for me!), Gwyneth Paltrow, Michelle Williams and Jessica Chastain.

    Least favorites: Natalie Portman (hated the hair!); Claire Danes (much too young for her); Penelope Cruz (matronly, too mother-of-the-bride); Melissa McCarthy (worst dressed for me – unfortunate color and fabric; it looks so cheap!).

    Great round-up, as always! xo.

    • 4 rosemaryonthetv February 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

      Oh my, oh my. I just Googled Claire Danes. I didn’t see her because she didn’t walk the red carpet. That dress was TERRIBLE. She’s always so sleek. Why why why????

  3. 5 RoseMerry February 27, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    I agree, Rosemary. And, I have to say I have been obsessing about Stacy Keibler today. She does not impress me at all; not only is gold lame bad, but hair that gradually becomes the color of your dress??? AND…AND…she was with WWE? Gross. Gross. Gross.
    My only criticism of your recap would be…you should have committed to putting Natalie Portman on the Worst Dressed list! I hated it, and she sent a very scary message to mothers-to-be. I thought it was hideous & pre-pubescent when she should be flaunting her womanliness! Finally, I wish I could like Gwenyth Paltrow because her dress was divine.

  4. 6 Just Merry February 27, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Stacy Keibler will never be Elizabeth Hurley.


  1. 1 2012 : Top Posts and Fave Instagram Photos « rosemary on the tv Trackback on January 8, 2013 at 10:13 pm

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