rosemary on the tv

I’m not even going to pretend like I watched the SAG Awards last night because 1) it’s the SAG awards and 2) I was too busy being STABBED IN THE FEELINGS while watching Downton Abbey. I don’t want to talk about it. I do, however, want to talk about the hot mess that happened on the red carpet last night. Let us not waste time! I’ll begin with the looks I didn’t hate:

Favorite! Everything about this was perfect – the color, the styling, even the way Marion used the ancient art of French magic to keep her satin skirt from wrinkling.

Nina Dobrev looked amazing and I promise I’m not just saying that because I love Vampire Diaries. Because I don’t love Vampire Diaries! Who over the age of 17 loves Vampire Diaries??? Definitely not me! That’s crazy talk.

Admitting that Kelly Osbourne looks amazing on the red carpet feels like using a shopping cart at the liquor store. You know you shouldn’t, but sometimes the occasion just calls for it.

I feel like I should be making fun of Julie Bowen’s leather dress, but I actually like it. I think the conservative cut and styling keep it from being over-the-top. What are your thoughts on this?

Now let’s pause for the Navy Train choo choo!

(Amanda Seyfriend wins, BTW.)

Ok, despite the fact that Nicole let her husband fix her hair for her, I actually really liked this dress.

I know I gave Claire Danes crap for always looking boringly hot on the red carpet, and she CLEARLY reads this blog because she def spiced things up a bit last night. That lipstick might’ve impressed Jordan Catalano, but (to quote another queen of the 90s) it don’t impress me much.

I’ll take “Things You Shouldn’t Wear to an Awards Ceremony Called SAG for $2000, Alex.”

There’s no reason that Jessica Chastain shouldn’t be the best dressed gal at all the awards shows, but not even Super Spanx can save this look from being way too tight. (Are Super Spanx a thing? Can they be?)

This might be the first time Ariel Winter isn’t at the top of my list. Unfortch, this look is a little too young. Like maybe chipmunks and birds should be fixing her hair and singing about a handsome prince.

I already made a cleavage joke about the SAG awards, didn’t I? Dang….moving on then.

Judging by the nips and crinkles in this dress,  I’m pretty sure the fabric came from a sale bin at JoAnn’s. It looks almost as cheap as that ombre dye job. Oh no she di’n’t! ::snaps in a Z formation::

I mean…we’re all thinking the same thing, right?

VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!!! 

This was Aaron’s genius idea.

This Lady From That Entertainment News Show usually plays it tastefully safe. But that was before the sludge from Fern Gully tried to strangle her and steal her body.

True story: Kaley Cuoco was rude to me once because I asked her how to spell her last name and also because I said it like this, “How do you spell your last name, Haley?” But I promise, that part was accidental. I also promise that wasn’t the reason why I LOLed when I saw this photo.

Rose was too busy matching her curls to the ruffles on her dress to notice THE ABSOLUTE HIDEOUSNESS OF HER DRESS.

C’MON ANNE! This dress is ill-fitting, unflattering and downright stupid. It is, without a doubt, your second worst wardrobe-related decision in recent memory. AND STAND UP STRAIGHT.

Honorable mentions to Amy and Tina, Naomi Watts and all the other ladies that looked pretty but neither good nor bad enough for me to make this post any longer than it is.

So tell me, did you watch the SAG awards or are you nursing a bleeding heart for Lady Sybil tonight?