Posts Tagged 'golden globes'

Golden Globes 2015 Fashion Recap or “Golden Globes and Social Justice For All”

The Golden Globes: the marriage of television and film (I say marriage because a lot of actresses showed up in bridesmaid dresses last night). As usual, the world’s greatest actors were unable to memorize the six lines required to present an award, nor did they bother to look up correct pronunciation of nominee names. And boy did everyone have a platform last night. TBH, the whole thing felt a little like more like a social justice rally than an awards show, but that’s not a bad thing, I guess?

Tina-Amy Golden Globe GIFs

Tina and Amy delivered a hilarious monologue, but were barely on stage for five minutes the rest of the show. Did anyone else think the Margaret Cho bit when on a little long? Also – if Tina and Amy really aren’t hosting next year, who wants to sign my petition to get Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader as hosts?

Golden Globes Kristen Wiig Bill Hadar

As for the red carpet: there was very little that amazed me. Not in a good way at least. There were a few amazingly bad dresses, but the whole thing felt like a bunch of women crawled out of a dark non-awards season cave and reached for the first thing their light-deprived eyes could focus on. Maybe it’s all a long con to make us ooh and ahh (OMG – my computer just autocorrected that to “pooh and agh”) over the dresses they’re saving for the Oscars? Whatever. Let’s do this.

I’ve seriously never had to do so much Googling to figure out who wore my favorite look of the evening. Turns out, it’s Julia Goldani Telles from The Affair, a person I don’t know from a show I’ve never watched. YAY! This Carmen Marc Valvo dress is so gorgeous – the cut, the color. She reminded me of Snow White!


As usual, I uploaded all the red carpet looks and painstakingly began putting them in order from best to worst, and I was surprised (okay, not really) to find that Emma Stone’s Lavnin pants were one of my favorite looks of the night. I AM PREPARED FOR YOUR BACKLASH, PEOPLE. I know a lot of people hated the ass bow, but I don’t mind it. The rest of her look was flawless, and this was one of those outfits that ONLY Emma could pull off. This gal is on the fast track to reaching Cate Blanchett red carpet status.


Elie Kemper in Naeem Khan is another prime example of when everyone else shows up in boring dresses and I love yours automatically for being different. Though I probably would’ve loved this one regardless. This is the best she’s ever looked.


I’ll admit, I’m a little obsessed with the color of Felicity Jones’ Dior dress. But not in a fashion way. In a I-want-to-paint-a-room-in-my-house-this-color way. But I loved the whole look on her. Very timeless and elegant, while still feeling new and fresh.


While Emily Blunt’s Michael Kors dress was sort of in the “it’s good or whatever” category, the way she styled it was everything. The turquoise earrings and bracelet, and the Grecian up-do made her look ethereal and lovely.


As someone who has spent at least 23% of my life trying to make my hair more voluminous, I can’t get on board with this slicked-to-the-head hairstyle. It feels harsh to me. Am I crazy? Hair aside, Diane Kreuger looked fab as usual. Silver was the color of the evening to be sure. She’s like a shiny, scary, beautiful robot from the future, who’s come to prophesize fashionable alien takeover in the year 2164.

Three women who shined bright like a diamond:


Honorable mention to these blinding babes who all looked lovely in sparkles.

Three women looking lovely in all their Chiquita splendor:

Leslie Mann wore sparkly Kaufman Franco, and I loved the green clutch and earrings.


Naomi Watt’s Bulgari snake necklace was a scene stealer. My only complaint about her look was that the red lip/yellow dress combo was a TOUCH Ronald McDonald. A pink or coral lip would’ve work better for me.


And finally, Jenna Dewan-Tatum had the unfortunate foresight to choose a Russett potato for a husband, but the fortunate foresight to wear this delightful yellow dress.

Lupita Nyong’o is essentially wearing the dress version of one of those old timey swim caps. And I don’t hate it, amazingly enough. I don’t think anyone else could’ve pulled off this Giambattista Valli dress, but totally did.’s like, I love it, but I hate it, because every time Kelly Osborne makes a best dressed list, her Horcruxes get stronger.

Two women who wanted to party like it’s 1999:


Remember these? Gwynnie and J.Lo both wore dresses that were modern adaptations (or just sneaky throwbacks) to their infamous Y2K ensembles.

Obviously, J.Lo has figured out that the combination of low cut, slit-to-there, smoky eye and nude lip make her the Benjamin Button of human women, so I can’t blame her for still rocking the same look 15 years later.


Gwyneth, however, has done nothing but eat kale and frown at pears for the last ten years. Her cellular makeup should actually be reducing in both age and size, Benjamin Button style. Dresses should not exist that look too small on her, but this one somehow managed to. I think it’s time Gwyneth consciously uncoupled with pink dresses forever.


I won’t lie: this dress fit like a glove and made her bod look smoking hot. But I can’t make myself love it. There’s something mall store about Versace that I just can’t get on board with. Like it’s the high design version of Express or Bebe.


Speaking of Versace, here’s another one I liked but didn’t love. The thing about Versace is: you can look like a million bucks, but that million bucks was probably made through some combination of shady interactions.

Kate Beckinsale is stepping into Claire Danes’ former throne as Queen Boring Hot. Like, yeah, she looks good but what else did you expect? And do you really care?


Overall, I liked Chrissy Teigen’s dress a lot. But if I could make a note in the margin, it would be that the pelvic area kinda reminds me of granny panties. And I can’t see past granny panties. I just can’t.

Six women whose dresses were inspired by the dancing lady emoji 💃:


And just like the dancing lady emoji, these dresses weren’t my favorite (👍, 🔪, 💸, 🍕) but they also weren’t my least favorite (🍠, 📩, 🎍, 👥).

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to discuss Tina and Amy.

Were Tina and Amy part of a secret, soon-to-be-aired Project Runway challenge last night? Their dresses were sort of theme-y: Tina was always in some combination of blingy black and white, while Amy stuck to simple frocks from the blue-indigo-violet section of the rainbow:


Amy’s first dress would’ve gotten a contestant kicked off the show for lack of imagination, but Tina’s dress was made by the Project Runway Hot Mess Contestant(TM) who ends up duct taping their dress together just before the model hits the runway. Tim Gunn has an oh-so-horrified hand on his chest right now.



Their second outfits looked as if the first dresses had been deconstructed and the scraps were used to make them much more acceptable dresses. Tina’s is still a little weird, but LOADS better than before. Amy’s was her best of the evening.


For their final outfit change, Tina showed up in a sort of deconstructed tuxedo that should’ve been cheesy but was totally amazing. And Amy had butterfly cleavage. Which I think pretty much just speaks for itself.

Three women who actually found a chance to wear that bridesmaid dress again:


Of the bridesmaids in attendance, I’m giving Amy the Maid of Honor award for wearing the most flattering dress. But the color was more mother of the bride than bridesmaid, and neither of those categories are exactly sexy.


Wrinkled satin. I can’t.


And more wrinkled satin, this time in an unflattering cut and fabric that looks exactly like a set of drapes that used to hang in my grandmother’s sitting parlor.


Sienna Miller’s dress was a big ole bag of blah, and while her hair and makeup were totally fab, points were deducted because at first glance I thought this was a photo of Kelly Ripa. ::shudder::


Reese Witherspoon is the red carpet equivalent of Lunesta.


Kerry Washington is almost always flawless from the waist up. Nay, from the knees up. But tea-length dresses make her look like a tiny fashion elf. And Kerry, you are not an elf. YOU ARE A GLADIATOR. Handle this.


I love Jennifer Aniston, but something about her style seems stuck in the early oughts. I mean, for crying out loud, the girl still wears bootcut jeans with leather belts. Like her day-to-day outfits, this dress was way 2001, even a little matronly. (Except for the moment when she ALMOST flashed everyone as she walked up the stairs to present – that was decidedly UNmatronly.)


Maybe this dress looked divine next to your macrame plant hangers, Claire, but: animated GIF

Two women who went ONE ACCESSORY TOO FAR:


Hear that? It’s the collective disappointed sigh of a nation who thought they’d found their next fashion icon. Oh, Amul. You’re smarter than this. No, literally, YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THIS. George may be dreamy, but you are not an eight year old who just got asked to the ball by Disney’s Prince Charming™.


My reaction to this belt with this dress is pretty much the same as everyone else’s:


Three women who drooped it like it (wasn’t) hot:


Dear Amanda Peet, Kristin Wiig and Melissa McCarthy,

So, here’s just, like, a generally good rule to follow when choosing things to wear: if it can be described as “droopy,” don’t wear it.

Yours forever,


Three GIFs that describe how I’m feeling r/n:


How I feel about Guiliana:

Golden Globes Steve Carrell


An improvement for Lena but still just like: animated GIF



Golden Globes Chrissy Teigen


And finally, my worst dressed of the evening is a big, fat “no duh”: 


I read that it took 30 people to make Keira Knightley’s Chanel dress. I like to imagine that’s one person to sew it and 29 people to stand around politely asking them not to.

Golden Globe GIFs

AND PEACE. (Leave your best/worst picks in the comments please!)


Golden Globes 2014 Fashion Recap or “The Awkward Side-Hug of Awards Shows”

You know that awkward moment when you go in to hug someone and you aren’t sure how to gauge the situation, so you end up doing a weird kinda-side-hug-face-turn-almost-cheek-kiss kind of hug? You know, like this:

Diddy's 5 Most Ridiculous Moments At The Golden Globes

If you could take that awkwardness, bottle it and sell it at Dillard’s, it’d be called Eau du Golden Globes. Because the whole night stunk of sweaty, nervous side hugs and that awkward moment when you have to squeeze your butt between two chairs while you’re trying to get to the stage to accept your award. I was forced to watch celebrities make the six mile trek from their seats to the stage, where they inevitably made a drunken, fumbling speech about how they didn’t prepare a speech.

Obviously, they didn’t expect to win anymore than the person who designed the seating chart expected them to. Thank God for Amy and Tina, who were like two beacons of sexy, hilarious light. I could’ve used much, much more of them throughout the evening.

Anyway, lots of crazy on stage, but a surprising amount of good dresses on the red carpet. LET’S DO THIS:


Nailed it. Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren was my favorite by far!


Listen up fives, a ten is walking down the red carpet. In case you were wondering what a movie star looks like.


Kate Beckinsale was also perfect. While Cate Blanchett is perfect in a makes-me-feel-good-about-humanity sort of way, Kate Beckinsale is perfect in a makes-me-hate-myself kind of way. Because seriously, her waist is smaller than her head.


More than half the time, Julie Bowen’s a hot mess, but I gotta give her props for always surprising me. That said, she finally nailed it with this red and purple dress. LOVE LOVE LOVE this color combo and the mix of textures on this dress.


Ughhhhhhhhhhhh. Fine. Okay. I loved Taylor’s dress. There. I said it. Move on.


Amy Poehler wins the Golden Globes MVP award. It was definitely her night. Her dresses were killer, her hair was gorge, her jokes hilarious and she WON that Golden Globe. She won it good.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show - Season 71

She sang a creepy song that I won’t hear again until the moments before I die, but Diane Keaton looks better in a tux than McConaughey and I totally want to be her. Like, in this moment, I actually wished for gray hair and bad vision.


I think Michelle Dockery always looks so classic and beautiful. I really wish this dress had been a different color, but she still looks gorgeous.


I could say without a shadow of a doubt that I loved Julia Delpy’s dress more than any of her movies if I cared enough to watch any of her movies.


I might be in the minority on this one, but I loved Sandra’s dress. It was unexpected and current and the peek of pink underneath is lovely, as is her pink lipstick. So there.


Also in the minority here, but Aubrey Plaza would have been absolutely perfect if not for her matchy-matchy shoes. SO close, girl. So close.

slide_331487_3313284_freeI’m still sort of on the fence about Elisabeth Moss’ dress. It seems sort of dark and gothic, and it definitely has that see-through skirt thing happening, which makes me want to Hulk Smash stuff. But I just kept thinking, “Wow, she looks really pretty.” So I guess if there was a “pretty” bin and an “ugly” bin, she’d be in the pretty bin.

Ah, the answer to all of life’s most puzzling queries!


Flamingos. I can’t not see flamingos. Thank god she changed out of it and into this very quickly:


Fey/Poehler 2016.


I’ve gotta give Amy props for the daring dress, and I dig the red on red, but did you see her hair? All it was missing was a nice set of butterfly clips.


Did anyone see the cape she was wearing when she arrived? Personally, I thought it made this look a thousand times cooler, but OH SNAP, there was a Red Cape-Off. Lupita vs. Amy. Lupita used her special moves and Seacrest was all “FINISH HER.” So Amy removed her cape.

The end.


Allison William’s dress was cool – classic and a little edgy. But I get kind of a harsh/uptight vibe from her and this dress only emphasized that. Especially with the slick straight hair and uncomfortable posture.


At first, I loved Emma Watson’s orange dress. THEN THIS HAPPENED:


Is it an apron? A hospital gown? But the craziest part is…I don’t hate it! Did she hit me with a confundus charm? NOT OKAY, HERMIONE.


While I love her bob haircut, Zosia Mamet looks like someone’s mom in this dress and hoop earrings. But I guess if I were forced to wear a head donut and peace-sign Snuggies at work every day, I’d probably want to keep things simple in my nightlife too.


It ain’t great, but it’s such a vast improvement for her that it makes me want to start a slow clap. A note to women everywhere: TINY BOOB CUPS ARE NEVER FLATTERING. Just, like, FYI, in case you were considering installing tiny boob cups on any of your clothes.


Every time I see Reese Witherspoon, I have to suppress the urge to yell in my brattiest, most childish voice, “BORRRRRRRING.” And I’m not just talking about her dress. Oh! Zing!

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Amber Heard thought she was being soooo edgy, when in reality, these are all crimes of fashion that have been committed in the past. But at least she can hide weapons in her hair and use her dress as wrinkly satin sheets in the fashion prison cell she shares with Angelina Jolie’s leg.


Julia, we all have fat arm neuroses, but how many of us do you see wearing a white button-up under our formal gowns? Find a dress with sleeves girl. Ain’t no thang.


I used to complain about Sofia Vergara always wearing bombshell mermaid dresses, but now I think I just want to complain about Sofia Vergara. Because this isn’t a mermaid dress but she’s still annoying.


AND WITH THAT IMPOSSIBLY PERFECT SEGUE INTO MERMAID DRESSES, remember that time Ariel tried to make a dress out of a sail?


That’s what I immediately thought of when I saw J-Law. I’m over all the Dior dresses. They work for her about as well as a fork works as a hair comb.


Sarah Hyland’s young and still “figuring out who she is” which must explain why the last time I saw her on the red carpet she looked like a Real Housewife and now she looks like Frida Kahlo.


Somehow, between attending a high school prom, shopping for dresses at Pinky Punky and being a gypsy bride, Guiliana finds the time to graciously make fun of other people’s outfits.


If you can ever say that your pumps are cut from the same cloth as your crop top, then you’re doing it wrong.


With all the advances in dress-making and fashion technology, this dress is the equivalent of showing up in a beeper. A wrinkled beeper.


I am opposed to two things shown in this photo: 1) Hayden Panettiere and 2) slicking your hair straight back. And since I try to be OBJECTIVE and not let favoritism affect my fashion recaps, I’m going to say that my hatred of this look is 30% dress and 70% hair. Even though we all know it’s really a 60/10/30 split.


What happens when you leave your dress in the refrigerator for a week past its expiration date.


Heidi rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her? Takes to the sky like a bird in flight and FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WHO WILL BE HER LOVER?


I’ve always had an irrational fear of coming out of a bathroom with toilet paper hanging out of my pants, but thanks to Paula Patton, I now fear that the toilet paper will try to wrestle me to the ground like an anaconda.


Zoe was definitely worst dressed for me. She kept saying on the red carpet that Prabal Garung designed this dress just for her, which I think is like a kidnapping victim’s way of sending SOS signals with their eyes.

So that’s my take! NOW TELL ME YOURS! And as a reward for making it all the way to the end of this post, I’ll leave you with my favorite joke of the night:

Golden Globes 2013 or “Events Just Before and After Jodie Foster Came Out”

Surprise, surprise…we finally got an awards show with the tiniest bit of self-awareness. I felt like the hosts, presenters and even some of the winners just made fun of awards shows the whole time and it…was…EXCELLENT. Highlights include:

  • The moment when Tina and Amy said Meryl Streep couldn’t be there because she has the flu, “and we hear she’s great in it.”
  • Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell pretending to have watched the Best Comedy/Musical nominees (video below)
  • Jennifer Lawrence exclaiming “I beat Meryl!” then thanking Harvey Weinstein for “killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here.”
  • Glenn Close’s drunk face


Even Sacha Baron Cohen seemed somewhat funny and likable…but that might just be because Mel Gibson was there. At first, I thought maybe the HFPA got a little desperate to fill seats. Then, I realized it was just one of those situations where Jodie Foster got a plus one and showed up to the party with that guy everyone hates. Awkward


Maybe it was all a ploy for all of Hollywood to get him in a room and stage an intervention.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show

First and foremost, can I get a “YOWZA!” for my girls Tina and Amy? I’ve been saying for years* that Tina should be hosting these dulled-out awards shows. CLEARLY, the Fates finally listened to my cries. And awarded me for good behavior by pairing her up with Amy. I loved Amy’s cutie-pie tuxedo on the red carpet, but was only so-so about Tina’s black and white dress, merely because the weird length veered more on the side of Sunday school than chic. But boy did she pull out all the stops with this floor length number later in the show. If Tina looks this hot at 42 years old, then I better start workin’ on my night cheese.

*I said it once, during the Oscars last year.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Anne Hathaway was a favorite of the evening. Her simple, white Chanel was so timeless and chic, and her hair and makeup were flawless. Girl can rock that pixie. Will people still talk about this look 10 years from now? Maybe not. But even red carpet bloggers OF THE FUTURE won’t be able to deny how gorgeous she is here.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Michelle Dockery’s look was another favorite. She looks flawless in this super-flattering gold and white dress. I loved her wavy short hair and the touch of green in her emerald ring. Let’s hear it for the pale girls with dark hair and doe eyes! They win! The rest of you can go home and start applying sun screen.


Jennifer Garner looked totally fab in an understated, this-is-not-my-night sorta way. I’ve always kinda hated Jennifer Garner and her style. Let’s face it. She was born to be in that movie where she played a 13 year old trapped in a 30-something’s body…and nothing else. So the fact that she showed up looking like a grown up, and I can admit that she looked totally gorgeous means that we’ve both matured.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Claire Danes looked great, but Claire Danes always looks great so it’s almost not even newsworthy anymore. I’m actually bored by how hot Claire Danes is.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

And while we’re talking about red dresses, Naomi Watts looked super classy and beautiful.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I loved this light blue number on Rosario Dawson. I read somewhere that it was obscenely tight in person, but I can’t tell from the photos so she gets a pass.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

If my night cheese serves me well, I’ll look like Helen Mirren one day. Meowzers! (See how I brought that full circle?)


A lot of people are calling this look “very French” but, unfortunately,  I am “very American” so my default setting is MORE MORE MORE. I love the dress, but her hair and lack of jewelry just make it look as though she’s wrapped in a towel at a hotel spa.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Kate Hudson looked like a beautiful princess……..who was being held captive as the sexy slave to an evil sorcerer. Do I spy a chain hooked to that thing around her throat?

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Red Solo Cup, Jennifer Lawrence fills you up. I’m seriously conflicted about this dress. Pros: 1) not a beige fishtail, 2) is a great color and 3) makes her waist looks tiny. Cons: 1) boob cups.

17 Reasons Why Jennifer Lawrence Won The Golden Globes

By the way, is Jennifer wearing the same belt as Marion Cotillard? Aren’t they both wearing Dior? Is someone getting fired at Dior today?

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

This dress was sexy and flattering on her, and I know that funny, snarky Kristen isn’t going to show up in some dumb frou-frou pink monstrosity, but I always feel like there’s something lacking from her red carpet looks. At least she ventured out of her usual color wheel: nude, ecru, bisque and beige.

Her presenting speech with Will Ferrell makes up for it:

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Zooey, Zooey, Zooey. I’m pretty sure you’ve worn some version of this gown to all the awards shows ever. And while you never look bad per se, the look is about as tired as your adorkable character on New Girl. Wait – what? Who am I kidding? I love that show. RETRACT.

But seriously, Zo-Desh, spice it up a little.


Connie Britton’s dress was pretty/boring, but her hair was in full-on Tami Taylor mode last night, which means all is right in the world.

And now…let’s pause while the Beige Parade comes to town.

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70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Moving on…

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I give Lena Dunham props for trying (towalkinheels) and this was a VAST improvement from the Oscars, but it was still not a win for me. This felt like a little girl playing dress up in her mom’s closet. There’s a dress out there that is cool and edgy while still managing to be flattering on her. She just hasn’t found it yet.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals


So…are sheer skirts still a thing? Were they ever a thing? Because they shouldn’t have been a thing. How I feel about sheer skirts:



70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Yeesh. Sarah Hyland looks like the trainwreck her Modern Family character is bound to become. Or a Real Housewife. Or a sad, sad combination of both. Cougar hair and even cougar-ier cleavage were an epic fail for this 22-year-old.

And now….the nominees for Best Actress Attempt at The Angelina Jolie Oscars Leg-Jut are…

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

…Eva Longoria for her role as “mourning wife” in the film Lincoln 2: After the Curtain Falls.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

…Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for her role as “Victoria’s Secret Model #4” in Who Invited You, Again?

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

but the Golden Globe goes to…Halle Berry for her depiction of an aging Project Runway reject who hopes to propel herself into the poppin’ and lockin’ world of hip hop dance after a near death experience with  a pair of hedge clippers at a toga party  in Breakin’ 3: Electric Jubilee (in theaters Christmas Day!).


Someone should tell Nicole Kidman that the seams in her human costume are showing. Allow me: 00011010010011110001101001100101101001010

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Whoopsie-daisy! Lucy Lui got tangled in an Anthropologie shower curtain on her way to the Golden Globes. Happens to the best of us, girlfriend. (Seriously though, if this print were on another cut, I probably wouldn’t hate it. But ballroom gowns make grown women look like prom queens, and THAT I hate.)


Sienna Miller admitted on the red carpet that her dress was kinda insane, which takes all the pleasure out of making fun of her for it. So Sienna, you can just board that crazy train back to 1964 because I don’t have anything else to say to you.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Jessica Chastain was a winner of trophies last night but a loser of fashion. I’d say she’s campaigning hard for Worst Red Carpet Dresser of ALL TIME (see hereherehere and here), but I know she is capable of more (here). This isn’t more. I’ve never seen a more ill-fitting dress! And the hair and makeup are just as bad. Jessica, meet Eyebrow Pencil. Eyebrow Pencil, Jessica.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Glad Guiliana could get away from the brothel long enough to make an appearance.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

And in a DESPERATE attempt to remind Ben Affleck what he’s missing, J-Lo showed up wearing little more than some hot glue and a doily. Yeah, girl. That’ll show him.

Those be my thoughts!  Who were your favorites? Least favorites?


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